Giving Stuff

Normally I try to keep the snarking out of this blog because it's tricky to make it sound funny, and because it's too easy to mistake amused hatred for poisonous hatred. But I want to talk about something similar, so I guess I'll push the rant through, too.

We've got this thing called Dream, Believe, Smile, a club that tries to make campus a happier place. They do this by putting inspirational posters up everywhere.

I hate them so much.

Slacktivists, the lot of them. Seeing a poster doesn't make me think "I'm happy!" It makes me think "They're too lazy to actually bother." Making a person feel better involves making a small connection, like a conversation, a compliment, even a smile. The important thing is that you have to show you care. A DBS poster does not do that. It's too sterile.

Now I'd think that with this logic I'd be okay with Free Hugs Day. But for some reason I hate that too. I Think it's because offering free hugs to passerbies looks less like "I want to brighten your day by hugging you" and more like "I want to validate myself by hugging you." Hugging literally takes like two seconds of your time and doesn't show a connection if there's nothing else setting it up. It's just a cheap way of getting other people to hug you.

But I still like the idea behind DBS: we have the ability to make other people happier and we should put that power to good use. I just think that DBS and FHD are terrible ways to do that. Instead, I like to give out free food.

This has a couple of advantages over the hug method. First of all, I make my own candy. There's the whole "Have some of my time and energy" deal. And it's pretty novel to have homemade candy. Second, it's a lot more unusual to get free candy than to get a free hug, which makes it stick more. Finally, food is delicious.

Of course these can't be the main reasons, because I've had equal success giving away storebought candy and fruit and stresses balls. It's something intrinsic to giving, and even more specifically to giving stuff. Unlike hugging, giving stuff is a zero sum game. Not only do you gain, I lose. I think this is why giving is so powerful. I want to make your day better so much that I'm willing to sacrifice a tiny part of myself in the process. Sure, I can make like 400 candies in less than an hour, but the sentiment is still there. By consciously losing out in the exchange, I've imbued the giving with a lot more meaning.

Anyway, that's how I resolve the cognitive dissonance between my all-consuming hatred for DBS and FHD and my fondness for giving stuff away. We have roughly the same idea, just different implementations. And I think my implementation goes way further.